A new chapter in a new life

Friday, December 30, 2017

Writing stream of consciousness… 

Advice to the 30-year-old Danny, from your 47-year-old self: don’t be a donkey.

Think about one thing at a time. Sprint as hard as you can, figure it out, and then move on to the next thing.

But you need to push hard enough to get to the point where you can move onto the next thing.

You’re not pushing hard enough… am I pushing hard enough?

What phase are you in right now? You’re in the phase of financial entrepreneurship. Remember that. You’re in the phase of financial entrepreneurship. You’re in the phase of financial entrepreneurship.

How to start a podcast? One idea is like this.

Another idea is to just put yourself in the moment and fucking do it. Just fucking do it.

I’m definitely in the JFDI camp. That’s when life is interesting (to me).

But how would it go? But… but…but…

It would literally just go like this. Like this stream of consciousness that I’m talking about right now. It would be me talking bullshit, literally talking complete bullshit.

What’s the point?

The whole purpose is warming up my voice, then once I’ve talked myself out of my own head I will start the podcast with some kind of lesson from my own life. Lesson that I learned.

It would probably go like that.

I wouldn’t be inspirational… wouldn’t even be anything really.

The whole purpose to be just for me to talk. Just for me to have something to talk into. So it’s not even about creating content for other people; it’s literally just about creating — that’s it. It’s about producing.

It’s about turning on the creative part of my brain.

I know how to be a productivity/habit machine. Humans are not machines.

I’m pretty damn good at managing, too. But there’s a part of my brain that hasn’t been sufficiently stimulated.

The creative part (100p accurate neurobiology term).

So even if I’m not creating something that is going to be well listened to or well read. That doesn’t matter. Because ultimately I am in flow when I speak. A lot of people learn by speaking. I’m definitely one of those people.

And that might seem a little ridiculous on the outside but the fact is that it’s better to produce yourself. You’re getting in the habit of producing… and this is a truism that I’ve written about a lot of my blog… that consistency beats perfection, always.

So actually doing something over and over and over again is going to be superior to any one-off event in the end. What looks like an event from the outside — the “overnight success” — is never an overnight success. It’s the result of .01% doggedly accumulated over the years.

Now the nice part about this is it starts to put things in context.

If you know that the repeated habit ultimately leads to the supposed overnight success, well then all you have to do is create the conditions that make the habit come almost naturally. And that means consistency… Consistently showing up and doing your best… But also never putting pressure on one single day.

There’s a couple ways to look at this actually.

One way to think about habit development is that you sort-of force the habit as much is possible. Using sheer willpower to get yourself to the point where you kind of develop the muscle the mental muscle, which then has a sort of inertia. So just because you did it over and over and over again through repetition it’s going to come very naturally to just do it again. And for the longest time that was how I thought about helping new habits and achieving my goals.

On the flipside of that is not even trying to force yourself to do something, but rather setting up the circumstances that make that make the habit almost inevitable. And this can be done through smart incentives, exercises like fear setting, goal setting and social pressure. All these things are incentives that will make it much more likely that you follow through with the ticket or have it over and over again.

I think a common example a trendy habit: the YouTube video a day. I think there’s a underlying sense a lot of people have that they need to build a personal brand. And I agree. I’m not sure of YouTube is the right way to accomplish that, or the most effective, but it certainly one way… And a lot of people are starting to publish a video a day on the quest to build their own personal brand.

And again, while I agree that we should all be building our personal brand both in the real world and the digital one, there’s one fact remains: you still need an in. Everyone needs an “in.” Some small niche or micro niche that you dominate, giving you some amount of authority, some passive income, and the freedom and mindspace to develop new skills.’

And we see leaders in certain niches and our mind thinks, “it’s always been like that.” He or she was always there.

But it’s not true. 

One of my favorite mental exercises is taking my heroes… Taking a very close look at them and finding their “in”. What stupid little niche did they get started? Was it how to learn guitar? Perhaps it was how to blend green juices. Or maybe speed-reading lessons for college students.

Whatever it was, success came first.

For myself and for others, success must come first before expanding to bigger and better things. The pattern I see with so many people that have become successful and “made it” online is: taking one big *small* success, then turning that into one big *big* success.

Once you’ve hit your big BIG success, the sky’s the limit. Because at that point, your basic needs are completely met. Survival, reproduction and connection all come easily once you had one big big success. Maybe that’s not true for everybody but it’s the pattern I see very clearly amongst my friends and acquaintances.

A recent example of this (recent for me) is the blogger Mike Cernovich. He’s now a documentary producer and best-selling author. But his blog began as sort of a men’s rights blog and part of the “Red Pill” community. If you listen to his stuff now, he has a balanced, objective and healthy mindset… not something you’d expect from a “red pill-er”.

In fact, I remember stumbling on his blog a few years ago and thinking this guy is borderline loony.

As it turns out, Mike has some amazing ideas about mindset said how to live well. If you look at his content — the stuff on his podcast in his book — I think you’d agree.

But it started back in the day with the blog about pickup, men’s rights, and how to choke a woman during sex. Which, personally, I think are all valuable things to learn about and be aware of as a young man. I’m not hating. I walked that path too. I still walk that path.

But nevertheless, it came as a surprise to see the type of content he puts out now and evolution from then to now.

I guess my lesson for the day and my note to myself is this: focus on each day one step at a time. If you look at today and this message, it feels a little ridiculous… writing stream of consciousness. Actually it seems completely ridiculous. But I know it’s a step in the step in the right direction. That is truth.

This is this kind of speaking therapy I enjoy (I dictated this into a note on my phone), and just doing it right now I have the biggest smile my face. I think that shows how much I needed to simply warm up my vocal chords and get these ideas out, because I get the thought and then if I don’t get the thought out into the world, there is there something going on inside me where he just sits there.

Holy shit, a 10-day meditation retreat would be tough.

And if I just say it out loud, it’s therapeutic. It doesn’t matter if somebody’s listening or not; it’s the act of putting it on paper and knowing that it’s recorded it matters.

I don’t even know if the knowledge that it’s recorded matters… maybe it does.

But I think what’s more important is the act of recording that’s actually moving from inner world to outer world, and that is therapeutic. And so when I have friends who may or may not understand my point of view or the way I think about things, that’s alright.

The point is to first to bring myself to a state where I’m open to connection. Where I can authentically relate to people. Because until then, any communication on my part will come off as inauthentic. No matter how hard I try to say something, it’s not going to come out right.

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim”, 1969)

How would you want somebody to communicate with you? A really close friend that is…

What I would want from a really close friend is to hear me out, and provide a sort of completely non-judgmental space where I can share fears, anxieties, desires and goals. Then once they’re aired out, just laugh at them and laugh at myself.

And if I want that from other people, I need to be able to give that to them as well. I can let people air out their worries and insecurities and just listen, recognize what’s going on which is the emotion behind the conversation and not whether it’s right or wrong. I’m actually a good listener; I can give myself credit for that. That there is an element of catharsis and just talking about things and getting them out and saying that’s fine, I still love you anyway. That to me is a place of maturity.

You can still have strong boundaries and say look, enough is enough, time to move on… but do it in a way that’s fun and playful and teasing not annoyed or irritated like, “I don’t want to hear the shit anymore.”

You came here to Manila why? Why are you here? It was for the feeling of love… the last time you were here you felt a deep love and connection, and it’s been pulling you back ever since.

Two years of pulling is a long time.

But you know, you need to be able to give that to yourself first before you can expect anyone to give it to you, and it’s kind of painful right now to just think about that and hear myself say it, but look man you have to give to the world would you want in return. Karma is real.

So keep pushing hard in the gym, going hard and start putting yourself in situations that are uncomfortable. That is growth and that is what you want deep down.

That wasn’t it… not everything at least.

I see now that actually what I wanted was to get some space, so that I could actually talk to myself, actually hear myself think for a change. And let thoughts and emotions bubble up in their own time.

Thoughts that, at one point would like something negative, or actually just thought of you run different directions without your awareness. And maybe that’s why negative thoughts are: just unconscious thoughts that we’re not aware of, because when we’re not aware of them we’re scared of them.

When you’re surrounded by people, it’s easy to get distracted so much so that you stop paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Especially if you’re not at a point where you can express yourself fully, and what happens is those thoughts and emotions go unexpressed, trapped.

So rather than continue to distract yourself, you want to take some time that you think them about the thoughts think it out and you can hear yourself think and uncover your own psychology.

Am I rambling?

Yes… That’s the point.

Even a total stream of consciousness rambling session can be very beneficial and therapeutic. Self therapy through rambling.

I started this with a quote from Derek Sivers, pulled from Tim Ferris’s new book, Tools of Titans. Derek’s advice to 30-year-old self was simple: don’t be a donkey. He simply means don’t be a donkey it’s too stupid to go for one thing solve it and go for the next thing, instead perpetually trapped in indecisiveness between two or more options.

And I think I found a way around the donkey problem. It’s actually really simple.

Work towards one goal at a time, and do so in a way that even if you fail you grow.

My big goal for the first-quarter of 2017 is simple: launch a product that grosses $40,000 in sales and helps 10,000 people. If it bombs, I’ll be pissed but ultimately the the systems and connections I will build along the way will be totally worth it.

My vision is laser focused on that goal and I aim to achieve it. I can move forward with confidence knowing that what I’m doing to reach that goal is aligning with the greater vision I have for my life, regardless of the outcome.

Let the chips fall where they may.