The Way Of The Superior Man – Book Review

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The Book in Three Sentences

If you understand masculine and feminine polarity and how they interact, you will better understand human behavior. If you know why people behave based on these polarities, you can change your own behavior to get what you want in life. The superior man is able to step into either polarity when the situation calls for it.

The Way of the Superior Man Summary

This is my book summary of The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. My notes are informal and often contain quotes from the book as well as my own thoughts. This summary also includes key lessons and important passages from the book.


The way of the superior man is giving. Giving oneself fully and authentically to the world.

Feminine = all that changes
Masculine – unchanging consciousness. Sense of permanent identity.

Sexual energy is when feminine / masculine polarity are strong

We must create everything from our deepest source

We need to find the source and give from there, else we structure our lives entirely based on fear and not love. We structure our lives based on superficial things.

Ask yourself: where are you living based on fear? Do you make financial decisions out of fear? How about your relationships? Thinking deep and hard about these questions is uncomfortable, but necessary if you want to overcome fear.

Everything changes and passes and dies. Relationships, things, businesses… it all passes. Understand and feel this change.

Masculine integrity means: Setting up your life however you need to so that you can take care of your family and give to the world to make a living, while simultaneously recognizing that it all passes.

Ask yourself: What would you need to accomplish in the next three days in order for you to die complete? The point at which, you’ve given everything you could to the world.

As everything changes, our hears open and start to feel.

Do not postpone giving your gift, just to earn money.

Ask yourself: What is the deepest way to offer yourself?

Make time to live how you need to live.
Make time to give what you need to give.

Your relationship to your mind and body is your relationship to the feminine. Love your mind and body as they change.

To develop your deepest masculine purpose requires you to simply love your mind and body as they change, without believing them too much.

The changing mind and body are sourced in consciousness.

Our mind and body are worthy of our love.

Our sense of purpose is not discovered in what we think. You will never known your purpose in mind. If you’re waiting for your mind to reveal your purpose, you will wait forever.

Shakti dances over the dead corpse of Shiva, who has an erection. Symbolizes that masculine is eternal ready, but unmoving in the presence of the feminine.

The feminine feels whether the masculine can “Stay On Track.” This comes across as a women “testing” her man, though it happens automatically.

But where do you draw the line between “tolerating” her, versus telling her to change her behavior? When is enough enough?

Sit down with other partners, and get feedback from them to see where the line is.

If you don’t draw the line, you will resent your woman.

When drawing a line, you do it out of love for your woman and love for yourself.

The masculine grows through challenge and criticism. The feminine grows through praise. Think: you’re too fat VS. I love how you look in your workout clothes, with sweat glistening and dripping down your skin.

We must relinquish the qualities within ourselves that we want from our partner. If a woman wants her man to be masculine, she must trust him to give masculine energy to her.

Sexual polarity is not the same as intimacy.

Attractions happens naturally. It’s automatic. It’s innocent.

Men feel sexual attraction to all kinds of places, objects, and women. The is an art to interacting with this energy and letting it recharge you.

You can merge with feminine energy completely without having sex. Convert your arousal into inspiration, connected to your deepest purpose, inspired by feminine energy.

Music, nature, water, dance… all ways to get feminine energy without sex.

Knowing this, you can receive feminine energy you need without jeopardizing your committed relationship. Commitment is based on service.

By recognizing that sexual attraction is automatic, natural, and beyond your control, you don’t take sex so seriously and personally.

If you know your deepest purpose, seeing attractive women and feeling sexual arousal only INSPIRES your deepest gift even more. It propels you forward.

If you DON’T know your deepest gift, you feel the need to release sexual energy.

Ask yourself: How can I allow this woman’s depth of radiance to inspire my deepest gift, so that I can offer it more fully to her, to the world, and to my chosen intimate partner?

It’s important to understand your deepest desire, so that you can subordinate your lesser desires to your most profound desire. True discipline does not involve resisting the urge to merge with the feminine: it’s the discipline to act from your deepest motive, as opposed to lesser motives.

Practical takeaways:

  1. We have different motivations. align them.
  2. In any activity, set your intent.

In any moment where you feel sexual arousal, think: how can this sexual energy be used to give the gift that I am here to give? How can this interaction be used to serve all beings?

There’s a difference between a woman who inspires you to live and a woman who you cannot live without. Woman cannot be your number one priority in life. She may want to be your number one human; but she knows that life will not last that the relationship may not last. You cannot let a woman could tail your deepest purpose.

If you only want her, she will not choose you. The alternative being: she feels God when she’s with you, she feels Love for God, your love for allowing God’s will to come through into your life, your commitment to bring love and light to the world… And her being part of that. Doesn’t want to be the only thing in your life; she doesn’t want to be the number one thing in your life. And therefore, choose to be with a woman who chooses to be with you.

If you chase after her when you’re not connected to your deepest purpose, you’re simply imposing your superficial desires on her, rather than offering you’re gift. You’re seeking to take, rather than to give. You’re seeking an easy win, an easy out.

If you were trustworthy and honest for 30 years, but then lie to your woman, she will not trust you on year 31. If you try to appeal to your track record, you are asking her to go into her masculine to forgive you. If she does that, sexual polarity will be lost (masculine X masculine). Deida: “in that moment, your track record, no matter how good it is, is meaningless.” If you say “but but but”, you’ve lost.

Deida misses the point: the person with a stronger frame wins. If you hold the idea that your track record does matter, because it matters to you, she will follow suit (by the law of state transference).

Ask yourself: which would you prefer? Would you prefer that she goes into her masculine and forgives you and says OK you’re right but then all sexual polarities lost. Or, would you prefer that you maintain the sexual polarity and passionate energy between the two of you, knowing that she is always reflecting, In the moment, your integrity back at you.

When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and then show her that you’re course correcting. The beauty of the feminine is that she stays in the moment, and quickly forgets past mistakes.

For men to feel like they’ve communicated love, there needs to be a resolution. “Hey dude let’s do this.” The feminine is: is love flowing , or not?

It’s an energetic communication. It’s communicated in the moment through energy, NOT through saying what you’re going to do.

She receives love you energy not through orienting your attention.

How do you know if something in the moment is moving you towards your deeper purpose? Or rather whether it is grounded in your keep your purpose. You can’t know for sure… So in a way, the life of the superior man is one ongoing mistake, followed by ongoing error corrections.

Takeaway: making mistakes is sexy, as long as you admit it and move on.

Your woman wants to feel that you have the courage to make mistakes and then correct them and then make them again and then correct them again.

Reading Suggestions

This is a list of authors, books, and concepts mentioned in 10% Happier, which might be useful for future reading.

Buy the Book: The Way of the Superior Man

Print | eBook | Audiobook